Pick Ups
by Ima Super Mute Ant
Summary: Roxas is in a snit and Axel is looking for a little company. He finds Sasuke Uchiha. Naruto crossover. One shot. Axel/Sasuke. Crack.


Pick-up:

A fic by Imasupermuteant:

On the occasion of lomerial's birthday upon hearing that she wanted a SasuAxel…

It wasn't like this at all in my head. My apologies to Roxas, my darling, who was sorely mistreated in this fic.

* * *

The day, like nearly every one of Axel's days since the Organization had grown to thirteen members, started with a fight with Roxas and only got better from there.

"What did you say?!" Axel screamed in a sort of jovial fury.

"I said you're a flaming _slut_ who wouldn't know a real commitment if it got on it's knees and _blew _you!" Roxas shouted back.

"I though that was _you_…"

"Shut up!" Roxas looked so cute when he blushed, "No one's going to be blowing you for a long time!"

"Roxas!"

"Don't you 'Roxas' me!" the Key of Destiny shouted, "You were hitting on Zexion!"

"I was not!"

"Your hand was on his ass!"

"He said he had a bruise!"

"I don't want to hear it!"

"Look, Roxas, it was just that once and I didn't even do anything and…" Axel tried the sort of calming voice that usually managed to get Roxas mollified and naked in as little time as possible, but it looked like it just wasn't his day.

"Just that once?! Last week I caught you groping the Superior! And the week before that you were tonguing _Marluxia_!"

"There is a perfectly reasonable explanation for that."

"What do his tonsils taste like?"

"Vanilla… I mean…Look, I didn't do anything with Marly. You know you're the only one I want Roxy baby."

Roxas pouted in a way that always made Axel want to jump him, his big blue eyes watering over.

"I found pink hairs on your cloak."

"That was…"

"And blonde hairs on your pillow."

"I mean…."

"And silver hairs in the drain of your bathtub!"

"Baby…"

"And Demyx was _naked _in your _bed_!"

"…. I can't say anything can I?"

"No." Roxas sighed, " Look, I know we don't have hearts but there are some things that come down to simple human decency."

Axel tried his puppy eyes. Puppy eyes were his last resort, if they didn't work out then he didn't know what would.

" Just, get out of my sight. Ok?"

Axel sighed again. So maybe he had a problem with infidelity, it didn't mean he didn't love Roxas with all the echoes of his nonexistent heart. It didn't mean he didn't _care_.

"Fine" He grumbled, letting himself be engulfed in inky blackness.

* * *

Sasuke's day, like nearly every day he'd had since leaving the village of his birth, was turning out to be rather boring. Besides training and being molested by his new villages founder Sasuke really didn't have anything to do.

Which is why Sasuke found himself sitting in one of Otogakure's four bars at two-o-clock in the afternoon, nursing a shirley temple and glaring at anyone who would imply that he made girly drink choices.

Sasuke didn't notice the black, tentacle-y portal that spat a strange man out into the middle of the street muttering "I'll show you cheating" in a manic voice. No one noticed said portal, which is actually kind of appalling considering it's supposed to be a village full of blood-thirsty ninja.

Sasuke did notice, however, when the man slid up beside him at the bar and stole a sip of his drink before asking, "come here often?" in a slimly voice.

"Fuck off." Sasuke grumbled back, pulling his drink back from the man's hand.

"I'd love to." The man responded, "When and where?"

"Will you just leave me alone, dickwad?"

"I'm sorry." The man said, his eyes widening in innocence, "I didn't mean to make you angry. I'm Axel. It's _very_ nice to meet you. I swallow."

"I don't care." Sasuke growled back.

"Don't be like that! Come sit on my lap and we'll get things straight between us."

"I'm totally not in the mood for this." Sasuke grumbled, almost to himself.

He spun his chair around, ignoring Axel with all of his might. Sasuke focused very hard on the cracks in the wall across from him, hoping that when he turned back the man would no longer be there.

He was focusing so hard that he almost didn't notice when a hand came into his line of vision, holding out a small screw of the kind you might use to repair a pair of eyeglasses.

"Wanna screw?" Axel asked cheerfully.

"Shut up dobe!" Sasuke shouted. This man was worse than Naruto! Hell, he was just like Naruto, with his cheesy lines, and his infectious smile, and his tightly muscled butt…

Sasuke didn't miss Naruto at all. He didn't miss the blonde idiot with every fiber of his being or dream of Naruto coming to him in the middle of the night wearing nothing more than his walrus nightcap…

Sasuke did not miss Naruto and he had never entertained thoughts of him in a sexual manner and Axel didn't remind him of the stupid dobe anyway.

"…Lets go." Sasuke said abruptly, grabbing Axel by the sleeve and pulling him out of the bar.

"What? Err, great!" Axel let his hand slide along the curvature of Sasuke's ass as the ninja pulled him through the streets and towards his apartment. "By the way, did you know the word of the day was legs?"

Sasuke gave a pained smirk, although his hand was trailing towards the zipper of Axel's cloak "Lets go spread the word."

* * *


End file.
